Stereotypes

We all know (or at least pretend to believe) that stereotypes are politically incorrect and wrong. That being said, they have to originate for a reason; i.e. most black people really do enjoy fried chicken; Asian women tend to be horrible drivers; and Jews are more often than not 'prudent' with money.
Growing up I enjoyed no stereotype more than the assumption that all descendents of Poland were, in a word, stupid. During my recent escapades through Europe I had the opportunity to visit Poland (Krakow, which is an awesome city!) and I've realized that this stereotype is incorrect. It's not a stereotype, it's an absolute truth - Polish people have to be the dumbest 'tribe' to walk this Earth...

I spent approximately 30 hours in Poland and came across the following examples of Polish idiocy:

Less than 10 minutes after crossing the border from Germany into Poland we stopped to get gas and grab a quick bite at McDonald's. Check out this genius and his understanding of parking lots:

 After a long drive we arrived at our hotel and take a seat in the lobby as they are checking us in. Most people only have one arm, so these Pollock designed chairs were a brilliant idea:

We get our room keys and head to the elevator; another sign of genius!

*** If you didn't notice that both buttons are door open you might want to check your family tree to see if you have any ancestors from Poland...***

After getting settled and washing up we headed to the main square to check it out and grab dinner. I still don't comprehend the first thing that I saw on this walk. It can't be a public restroom but I have no clue what it is; maybe I'm the idiot here but until someone enlightens me I'm thinking this is dumb on their side.

In the square we see these two ladies. I've been on crutches a few times in my life and I'm pretty certain that they're using them incorrectly...



The next morning we check out and hit the road for another long drive to Budapest, Hungary. Before getting out of the city limits we see this winner. I don't know what specifically makes him Polish/Stupid/Etc. but I found him fucking hilarious so I had to take some photos of Speed Racer!

Finally, as we're approaching the highway my sales manager spots the greatest street signs of all time. This wasn't a European thing b/c we looked for these bad boys everywhere else but the only place that we saw them was in Poland. Really? You have to tell drivers not to hit other cars; or people. Come on!

Prague

Ahoy (Czech for wzup)!
Prague is the Jam-Jam! I spent two and a half days there (thank you Hurricane Irene, it was only supposed to be one and a half) and had an incredible time. There are so many beautiful buildings to check out while wandering around - Prague Castle, Old Town Hall & Charles Bridge to name a few - and plenty to do at night. Beer is cheaper than water or Coke, there are actually a lot of good restaurants (which surprised me), there is no last call and the girls are ridiculous! Prague gets a huge thumbs up from DK.
I spent my time in Prague with my sales manager and two clients, an Israeli guy & a Czech woman. We did tours and exploring during the day, really nice dinners in the evening, and then went out for a shitshow at night. My sales manager doesn't drink much so she would always retire early, but I had my clients out all night and they told me that they drank more with me over the weekend than they had in a long time. We actually got kicked out of one bar after throwing about 60 cardboard coasters up into the ceiling fan so they got sprayed all over. The other patrons got a kick out of it, but management not so much.
Some pictures from each country to follow as soon as I have a minute...

Vienna!

I'm totally skipping Budapest, not because it's not worth a post but because I was only there for a day and I think pictures will be the only way to tell that story.
I'm in Vienna (for another 8 hours) and this is easily the most beautiful city I've ever seen in my life. PAUSE.
A big part of my job, and these trips, is meeting with the heads of 5* hotels in different cities and convincing them how I can bring them more business. Today I had a meeting and tour of one of the nicest hotels I've ever seen. The suite, where we had champagne, overlooks the entire city! As everyone is enjoying their champagne I blurt out 'what is that?!' while pointing at a random sand filled square. I'm informed that it's a manmade beach surrounded by bars in the city center that a lot of the locals frequent. The meeting ended with pleasantries and my day continued with a nice private tour of the palaces in the city and an absurd dinner at a vineyard on a hill overlooking Vienna. On the ride home we're all chatty, after 3 bottles of wine, and my sales manager looks at me and says 'you're getting dropped off at the beach Place (which is called sand in the city) aren't you?'. I obviously reply YEAH in the Li'l Jon voice...
I roll up in this spot - which is amazing - and can't find a human (and by human I mean attractive female) that speaks English. So I resort to the 'Sprecken Zee Inglish' (Amsterdam knows what Inglish is). I got Slapped!!! It was my first international slapping (that I remember) so I moved along to another bar, hung out with an international violinist from Philly and that was that.
Heading to Prague tomorrow...

Krakow

I spent two nights in Krakow, Poland. This is the second largest city in Poland (Warsaw is the first) and one of the oldest cities in all of Europe - over 1200 years old! This was Hitler's favorite city and he planned on making it the new capital after taking over the world, therefore it's one of the only cities that was not bombed during WWII so all of the original old buildings are still standing. It's a very small city but it boasts the largest square/piazza in all of Europe. The population is only around 1.2 million and 100,000 of them are university students. Such a fun city and LOTS of talent!
Last night I got banged the fuck up with a bunch of people, including this incredible old communist man. He informed me, amongst other things, that the US is currently surrounded by Cuban subs and they'll soon attack... Besides that I've had some meetings, wandered around the city, took a tour of Nova Huta - a communist era suburb of Krakow; and drank lots of vodka, good vodka.
I have some incredible and hilarious pictures, but I'll have to wait until I'm home to post them since I'm only traveling with my iPad.
Next stop - Budapest...

Berlin

Let me preface this post by saying (1) I haven't slept since waking up at 7:45am on Fri (it's now 7pm on Sat in NY) and (2) German beer is really strong and I've consumed quite a bit of it over the last 6 hours.
I've been in Berlin, Germany's capital, for just over 17 hours and by god have I been busy. Today I had 5 meetings, had a hosted dinner in a Michelin star winning restaurant, saw the remnants of the Berlin wall in multiple places, visited the Reichstag, hung out in 2 of the most famous platz's (piazzas or squares) in all of Germany, drank a bottle of local German Riessling and tried a bunch of different German beer, rented a Trabant - a communist made East German car that hasn't been around since the late 60's - and drove all through the city, chilled at the 'beach' on the Spree River, and probably some other cool shit that I can't think of right now.
I had my doubts about Berlin but there's tons of interesting stuff to do during the day, lots of plankable objects, cool people, and a great nightlife. AKA, this city has just entered the category of strong contender for inclusion in future shit show trips.
I gotta be up in 7 hours to go on one final tour of the city (by boat on the river), then sit in a minivan for 600 kms on the way to Krakow, Poland - peace for now.

Hot-lantic City!

We made it home from AC in one piece. There were 11 of us down in 'fake Vegas' for Horner's bachelor party and we certainly partied our asses off. Besides having a great time chilling at the pool, going to clubs and owling, Jay, Leeeeeeee & I all won at the tables! I think this is the first time in the 10 or so years that we've been going to Vegas, AC, etc. that we've all won so giddy-up.
Other than that I can't go into too much detail because I don't wish to incriminate myself or anyone else that was on the trip in any illegal/immoral activities...
I'm home for 4 days, them I'm off on my next adventure in Europe.

Buckle the Fuck up!

After a long, busy week in California I'm at the Burbank airport waiting to board my flight home.
Love San Diego, hate LA, Sarah is the cutest human on earth, great trip business-wise, drinking at airport bar next to a homeless Korean War veteran (not kidding), my blog won't allow me to post pictures despite numerous attempts.
Now that I've gotten you up to speed I need to fasten my seatbelt, not only for the flight home but because I'm going straight to Atlantic City once I land for Horner's bachelor party.
In the words of the great Hunter Lochmann: 'stay tuned'...

Whales Vagina (aka San Diego)

I've spent the weekend hanging out in North Mexico, I mean San Diego. Every time I come here I love it more - the weather, beaches, food, night life, it's all good! I went out on Friday night with my cousin (who owns a small professional wrestling league in Southern California) and a bunch of his friends/emloyees (wrestlers). It was the most motley crew of humanity ever assembled, but it turned in to an incredibly fun evening. The rest of the time I've been doing what I came out here to do - chilling with my niece Sarah. She's as smart as she is cute and we're having a great time!
Here's a quick video of her in the car following her first dentist's appointment (during which she screamed her head off)...

Here are a few more pictures of my niece - the cutest girl in the world!


I have another day here, then I'm heading up to LA for meetings & presentations the rest of the week.